In the Light

I was tidying my room tonight and listening to Genius Mode on iTunes when dc Talk’s In The Light came up.  It was a sweet reminder from the Lord.

My conversion at age 15 was rooted in a deep, spirit-wrought sense of my sin and need of a Saviour. I always believed I was a good person (and by most standards, I was!).  I even would have described myself as a Christian.  But something changed inside of me between October 1997 and January 1998, and I had begun to feel weighed down by shame.

One night our youth group was at an outdoor Christian concert sponsored by another local church.  It was pretty sparsely attended, but exciting for a young kid who knew very little about Christianity, and had never really listened to a rock band of any kind before.  One of the bands played In the Light, and I remember like yesterday the eery, exposed feeling that they could see right through me to the cesspool that was my heart.  I remember fighting back tears as I longed for relief from the shame and to be “in the light.”

Of course, I didn’t realise at the time that the song was about the righteousness of Christ living in us, not about us resolving to live more obediently.  I wasn’t saved at that moment.  But I remember the zeal with which I started to hate sin and the disgusting offense it brought to God, and I’m thankful that it was the beginnings of saving faith in Jesus.

I’m also humbled by the realisation that ten years later, I don’t hold the same disgust for sin. I have become too complacent and comfortable. Do we really long to be in the light?  Do we really hate it when our sinful selves rise up in disobedient rebellion against our loving Father?  I pray that God would restore that clear vision and earnestness, in order that the cross might shine brighter amidst the darkness of our former selves.